I’m Missing Edmund’s Presence

Since Edmund’s death in 1993 there have been many times, sometimes more than others, that I have missed Edmund, his presence, his passion, his flexibility, his grit, and his ability to be a jack-of-all-trades.

There are so many changes that need to happen in a widow’s life. There’s thinking through how to tell people, close family, and then acquaintances. Funeral arrangements – that’s a task that takes logic and tracking details. Just to make the death legal I had to think about things like bank accounts, death certificate, and insurance paperwork.

The hardest though is the emotional. Attending the funeral and seeing the casket. Everyday waking up alone and knowing that won’t change. It’s final! No do-overs!

My friend, Dawn Murphy, told me that she and her husband and two other couples always sat together at church, but when her husband died, the other woman didn’t want her sitting with them because she thought that it would be a temptation for her husband. Widows lose 75 percent of their friendships, 60 percent experience health issues, one-third are clinically depressed one year later and most face financial hardship.

Miriam Neff, who has written great books about widows says it this way. “With my husband Bob’s exit to heaven, my daily life has changed: my calendar, my checkbook, the thermostat, the contents of my refrigerator, and even the look in my children’s eyes when they step through the door on holidays. My living space is more cluttered. I seldom use makeup. I am now familiar with the smell of car oil as I sit in Lube Right waiting for an oil change. There are other changes so private and personal they cannot be shared. Loneliness and solitude are not descriptive enough of the space that becomes the cocoon of the widow.”[1]

God’s heart for the widow:

Jesus shows that he cares for the widow. The word widow is mentioned in 76 verses, and 11 widows are mentioned by name.

One of my favorite widow stories is this one in Luke 7:11. It seems that the emphasis is on the widow even though it was the son who died and they were carrying him away on a bier. As Jesus came along he realized this was her only son, that she was a widow and it says, “His heart went out to her.” Not only because she was experiencing death but because she was a widow and had no income and there would be no future for her without a son to take care of her. Jesus goes right to her first and says, “Don’t cry.” Then when he raises the son back to life, he gave him back to his mother. You would guess that he would ask the young man to follow him, but no, he gives him back to his mother. She needs him.

Another story is in Luke 18 which I don’t think it is just about illustrating persistence in prayer but instead is showing how justice is given to a widow who needs it. “A widow in that city kept after him: ‘My rights are being violated. Protect me! He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, ‘I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won’t quit badgering me, I’d better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I’m going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.’” If a rotten judge can fix things for the widow so can we.

Often in scripture the word ‘widows’ and ‘orphans’ are joined. Like Psalm 146:9 “God loves good people, protects strangers, takes the side of orphans and widows, but makes short work of the wicked.” Psalm 68:5 says ‘he is a father to the fatherless and a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.”

God instructs us to also care for the widows in our lives.

In Deuteronomy 10:14-18 it says: “Look around you: Everything you see is God’s—the heavens above and beyond, the Earth, and everything on it. But it was your ancestors who God fell in love with; he picked their children—that’s you!—out of all the other peoples. That’s where we are right now. So cut away the thick calluses from your heart and stop being so willfully hardheaded. God, your God, is the God of all gods, he’s the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn’t play favorites, takes no bribes, makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing.”[2]

I Timothy 5:3-8 “Take care of widows who are destitute. Tell these things to the people so that they will do the right thing in their extended family. Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That’s worse than refusing to believe in the first place.”[3]

Over the last few months my central air unit has been pumping heat and now air conditioning out less and less. I’m a widow. What do I do? Who do I call? Who do I trust? Is the estimate too much? What does the invoice mean? What questions do I ask? Why can’t they just fix it instead of replacing it? How do I save money? This is definitely one of those times that I’m missing Edmund more.

There are 1,917 new widows each day in the USA. Are there any widows in your neighborhood or church? They need help but mostly they need friendship.

[1] https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/january/26.42.html

[2] The Message translation

[3] The Message translation

Tags: care, grief, grieving, missionary, papua new guinea, support, widow

Categorised in: Grief, Newsy Update, Uncategorized

This post was written by Grace Fabian